Are you at your wits end? Completely frustrated and stressed
out over your child's behavior? Are you questioning where the
child you raised with values went? It is time to empower
yourself with information that can help you take control again.
So many parents are desperate to find resolution and peace with
their out of control teen. They feel helpless, hopeless,
scared, exhausted, and bewildered where this behavior came from.
Many teens are suffering with low self esteem, depression and
other negative feelings that are making the act out in defiant
ways. For more information on Teen Depression, please visit
www.suescheff.org. It is important to try to resolve these
feelings before they escalate to worse behavior, including
substance abuse and addiction, sexual promiscuity, eating
disorders, self injury, gang involvement, etc.
These teens are usually very intelligent and capable of
getting Honor Roll grades, however are not working up to their
potential and lack the motivation to succeed and do well. This
can stem from peer pressure combined with the teen's feelings of
low self worth. It is one of the most common trends today -
highly intelligent teens making bad choices. Are you telling
yourself; "This is not my child," yet soon realize that
it is and you must take control of an obvious out of control
situation.
As a parent that has experienced and survived a troubled teen
- I am introducing "Parent Empowerment" to help you take
control of your family again. My goal is that you will learn
from my mistakes and gain from my knowledge.
Do you think you are alone? I can assure you, that there are
many parents that are in your same situation - and feeling the
same frustrations.
Let's look at things we have tried - and I am confident many
of you will see the familiarity with these consequences:
- Remove privileges or place
restrictions on cell phones, televisions, computers,
going out on weekends, friends, phone time at home, etc. In
today's society, although these should be privileges, most
are considered normal necessities of a teen's life. This
can be related to entitlement issues.
Click Here Many
instances even if you have removed the privileges, the child
knows he/she will eventually get them back, and find other
means to communicate with their teen world.
- Change schools - How many times
have we believed if we change the school the problems will
go away? Maybe in some cases, however these issues will
follow your child into the next school environment. The
problems may be masked in the beginning, but in most cases,
the trouble will soon arise again. Changing schools,
although may temporarily resolve some problems; it is rarely
the answer when teens are emotionally struggling.
- Have your child go live with a
relative out of state? Wow, this is very common, but the
other similarity is that in many situations it is a short
term resolution before the family is calling and saying they
can't do it any longer - you need to find another
alternative for the teen. This can be traumatic and
stressful for both families involved and cause friction that
could result in more negative feelings.
- How many families have actually
moved? Believe or not, parents have looked for job
transfers or other avenues to try to remove their teen from
the environment they are currently in. So many of us
believe it is the friends, which it could be, however as
parents we need to also take accountability - this is not
saying we are to blame, but we need to understand that our
children are usually not the "angels" we believe they are.
Sure they are athletic, played varsity sports (football,
track, golf, swim team, dance etc.), musically gifted, or
other special talents as well as were in all advanced
placement classes - but reality is, if you are reading this,
this has changed.
- Seeking a therapist will help.
Yes in some cases it will. And of course, we should all try
this avenue first. Unfortunately more times than not, the
teens are already a master manipulator and can breeze
through these sessions convincing the therapist the parents
are the problem. I know many of you have probably already
experienced this. The other concern with therapy is that in
many situations the one hour once or twice a week can barely
scratch the surface of what a family with a troubled teen
may require.
- Was your child arrested? If
your child has committed a crime, chances are they will be
arrested. If your child has become belligerent in the home
and you fear for your safety or the safety of your family,
again chances are they will be arrested. In some cases with
first time offenders the charges could be dropped. However
if this becoming a chronic problem, you seriously should
consider outside help. When a teen is arrested and placed
in a juvenile detention center, even for one night, they are
exposed to a different element that could either scare
him/her or harden them. Teens can learn bad habits in these
centers, or potentially worse, make friends with teens that
have far worse problems than yours.
- Scared Straight Programs or Boot
Camps - Are they effective? Many parents will seek a
local weekend Scared Straight Program or Boot Camp. In some
cases, it may have a positive effect on your teen - a wake
up call so to speak; however in other cases it may worsen
your problem. Depending on your child and the problems you
are dealing with or how long they have been going on, may
help you to determine if these types of programs would be
beneficial or detrimental to them. Some teens will
leave a Boot Camp or weekend Scared Straight program with
more anger and resentment than when they entered it. The
resentment is usually directed at the person that placed
them there - not at the program. This can open doors to
more destructive behavior. Personally, I am not in favor of
Boot Camps or Scared Straight Weekend programs. A
visit to a jail with a police officer, giving the teen the
awareness of what could happen to them, may be a better way
to help the teen to understand consequences of the current
behavior.
These above efforts are avenues parents could try before
considering any type of boarding school program. I believe
exhausting all your local resources should be the first path.
Making a decision to place a child outside of the home is a
major decision and one that is not to be taken lightly. It is
important you educate yourself - empower yourself with
information to help you make the best decision for your child. Click
here for a list of questions to ask schools and programs in
order to determine if they are a fit for your teen.
Helpful Hints when searching for
schools and programs.
An educated parent is an empowered parent. Parent
Empowerment! Take control of your family life again.
