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Monthly Archives October 2015

Talking Sexting With Your Teens

Posted by Sue Scheff on October 28, 2015  /   Posted in Digital Parenting, Internet Safety, Parenting Teens, Teen Help, Troubled Teens

SextingDid you know that according to research, one out of five parents send sexual and/or intimate images of each other (considered sexting)?

Of course we aren’t judging parents, we only need to understand that teens are experiencing and experimenting with their sexuality, however at their age, there could be potential legal consequences. It’s never too late to start your sext chat offline to be safer online.

Tito de Morais, The Internet Safety Guy, recently said in a forum, “Kids that are at risk offline will be at risk online, as questionable conduct in the physical and digital world is not mutually exclusive.” After collaborating on several other articles, including the “Cyber-Shield” series, I was thrilled to be a part of Sue Scheff’s most recent contribution to the Huffington Post, Sext Education: Sexting = Cyberbullying. Together, we believe in making a difference by educating students, teachers, parents, and communities about cyberbullying prevention.

In the recent article, we discuss the implications of sexting among teens, and how sexting and cyberbullying = are essentially one and the same. Because of the evolving nature of the online realm, sexting isn’t just confined to text messages: teens are able to use Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, and other social networks to spread sexually illicit messages.

SextingAlertParents and other adults can make a difference when it comes to building awareness of sexting’s dangers, and it all starts with having the “sext chat” with your children. Here are five tips to get this conversation started:

  1. Start talking: Use current news stories to spark conversation with your kids. Make it relevant to their lives. A recent journal Pediatrics study on teens that sext is a good tool to review.
  2. Just do it: There might never be an optimal time to get the gears moving on the sext talk, so it’s crucial to hunker down, move past any embarrassment, and bring up the topic.
  3. Make it real: Pose the question, “How would you feel if your grandma or grandpa saw that picture message?” We’re all accountable for our actions online and off, even though that notion slips by many teenagers these days.
  4. Address peer pressure: Emphasize that it’s OK for your child to be their own person and not worry about what their peers are doing, especially in regards to sexting.
  5. Give them control: Encourage your children to make the right decisions when they receive a sext. They have the ability to stop the communication right in its tracks.

Now that sexting has extended its bounds from cell phones to social networks, take the time to check out MySecuritySign’s excellent #TakeNoBullies digital responsibility and anti-cyberbullying resources that tie-in directly to sexting.

Contributor: Mike Miles formerly managed social media at SmartSign, a New York City based ecommerce sign retailer and creator of #TakeNoBullies, an anti-cyberbullying and digital responsibility campaign, through its site MySecuritySign. Mike is passionate about writing, digital citizenship, and advocating for a safer internet.

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The Gift of Failure: Must Read Parenting Book

Posted by Sue Scheff on October 25, 2015  /   Posted in Parenting Teens, Struggling Teen Help, Teen Help, Troubled Teens
Order today!

Order today!

No one said raising kids was easy, but when it comes to teenagers that’s a completely different animal.

On a weekly basis I am bombarded with calls and emails from parents that are at their wit’s end dealing with their teen — we hear this a lot:

“Our highly intelligent son used to bring home all A’s now he is barely making D’s!”

Our daughter used to be a cheerleader, she was the captain, now she just quit!

It’s not my son, it’s his friends.

My daughter is so beautiful, smart, always had so many friends — now she is failing and someone we don’t even recognize.

Generalizing this, they are good kids sometimes making bad choices.

Is it today’s society of technology? Peer pressure? Parenting?

Maybe it can be a combination of life as a teen with a sprinkle of each of the above, after-all, it’s just not easy being a teen in any generation — and it’s not easy being a parent either.

Every parent needs the priceless Gift of Failure.

When I read this book this summer, I couldn’t put it down – and I don’t have teens or children anymore! It’s a page-turner and it made me realize the many parenting mistakes I made as a parent. It also actually helps me to understand why my adult kids act the way they do. Yikes!

This book is priceless!!! 

Jessica Lahey

Jessica Lahey

Author, Jessica Lahey, was kind enough to answer a few questions.

Q.  For the many parents that have told their teenagers from a very young age just how very smart they are and now they are facing the consequences since their child is either failing or severely underachieving — is there a way to turn this around if they are in middle school or high school? 

JL:  When parents get emotional at my speaking events, it’s usually the parents of teens who have been overparented into a state of near-helplessness, or praised for being smart or talented or gifted solidly into a fixed mindset. These parents get upset because they are finally coming to terms with how VERY little time they have left to turn that ship around. They can do it, though. The first step is to get SERIOUSLY honest with their teens about the fact that mistakes have been made. Extreme honesty may be frightening, but the only way to get buy-in from teens is to admit to mistakes, announce your intentions to let go and give your teen more autonomy and opportunities to learn, and – here’s the most important part – mean it.

Next, set crystal clear expectations – for school, household duties, wherever you are backing off, and explain what the consequences will be if those expectations are not met. Try to keep the consequences as relevant to the task at hand as possible. For example, if homework is not getting handed in, it will be the teen’s responsibility to set up a meeting with their teacher and find out what needs to be done to remedy the situation. Inform your child’s teachers of this change in protocol if you have previously been over-involved in your child’s academic life, and let the teacher know that you won’t be checking in, or logging into the grading portal, and therefore, the teacher will need to inform you if things go deeply awry.

Once you’ve handed some autonomy back to your kid, tell them that you trust them to be able to handle it, and that you are still there for them if they need you. There will be a honeymoon period where everything goes beautifully, followed by a relapse and testing period where the teen feels out the limits of his or her new autonomy, but eventually, the pendulum will come to rest in a reasonable, healthy place.

Q. Parent’s frequently will say, “It’s not my teen, it’s their friends/peers that they are hanging with,” when it pertains to negative behavior. If this is true or not, should parents intervene with friendships?

JL: It’s important for parents to understand that the role of friendship changes as kids mature. Early on in life, friendships are more about proximity than anything else. Kids pick friends from whomever is nearby. As kids get older, they begin to choose friends based on identities and traits they’d like to try on for themselves. Those friends may not always be your cup of tea, but try to think of these kids as a safer way for your child to decide whether they want to be like that friend. Talk to your child about how that friend makes them feel. What do they admire in that friend? Why do they like to spend time with that friend? Talk about your own relationships – the good, the bad, and the ugly. Talk about the people you have left behind because they made you feel bad about yourself, inspired competition, or tried to change you. Your experience, offered in a supportive manner, is invaluable to your teen as they navigate these friendships and trial identities.

Q. As a teacher, please share with parents of teenagers (especially since they will be heading into adulthood shortly), why the Gift of Failure is such an important lesson to learn – and it’s better to start now, then never.

JL: If there’s one takeaway I hope parents of teens will take away from The Gift of Failure, it’s that our short term goal of making our children happy and making ourselves feel good about our parenting are sometimes incompatible with the more long-term goals of creating competent, capable adults. Think long term. Think about how you will feel about your parenting a year from now, rather than tomorrow. Parenting is a long-haul job.

Thanks so much Jess!

I rarely recommend parenting books – but this one is priceless!

Order The Gift of Failure on Amazon.

Visit Jessica Lahey’s website and follow her on Twitter.

Read an excerpt of The Gift of Failure.

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Trendy Teens: Discussing the Fashion

Posted by Sue Scheff on October 23, 2015  /   Posted in Parenting Teens, Struggling Teen Help, Teen Help, Troubled Teens, Uncategorized

TeenSelfEsteem5It can be shocking seeing thirteen year-old girls looking as if they are sixteen year-old and sixteen girls pretending they are nearing twenty!

From generations earlier, it’s normal for tweens and teens to want to feel older than they are – or try to fit in with a cooler-clique, but at what cost?

Most every parent has experienced their tween or teen girl or even boy (with those pants hanging off their butts) that make us cringe!

In a culture where midriff-baring pop icons surround us, it can be increasingly difficult to convince teenage girls that dressing modestly is actually important. As girls become teenagers and begin to assert their independence by testing boundaries, one of the more common ways that such behavior presents itself is through more risqué wardrobe choices.

As a parent or educator, figuring out how to encourage more modest styles of dress without alienating a willful teen and causing her to become even more attached to her new, more suggestive style can be a serious challenge.

Boost Self-Esteem

For teenage girls who are struggling to stand out from their peers and are battling secret insecurities, equating their blossoming sexuality with increased popularity and attention from the opposite sex can be very common. When they understand that their worth is based upon far more important qualities than their burgeoning sex appeal, they may be more tempted to eschew revealing clothes in favor of more modest choices that take the attention off of their bodies. Talking about the importance of strong self-esteem and helping to boost your teen’s confidence in herself can be one of the more effective methods of curbing a new predilection for wearing inappropriate clothing.

Establish Boundaries at a Young Age

As a child moves into the tween years – before her body begins to develop, but as she’s beginning to establish her own tastes and sense of style – it’s wise to start talking about immodest clothing and begin establishing boundaries regarding what you do and do not find appropriate. Even though most tween girls have not yet developed more womanly physical attributes, banning shorts that are inappropriately short or tops that are overly tight can help her to understand early on that such things won’t be acceptable as she gets older. An open dialogue about why immodest clothing can attract negative attention should start early, that way she’s well aware of your expectations and has an understanding of why revealing clothing is problematic.

Don’t Buy Revealing or Immodest Clothing

While a teen that’s determined to wear revealing clothes will find a way to get her hands on them, you can openly discourage a tendency to dress inappropriately by refusing to buy clothing that you find too mature or overly sexualized. When you’re shopping with your teen, it’s important to stand firm and not allow yourself to be swayed by pleas for clothing you don’t approve of or give in to teenage temper tantrums. When your child understands that you will not purchase such items, she’ll at least understand that you don’t approve of them. In order to make this method of encouraging more modest clothes effective, it’s important to follow up with calm and sincere conversations about why you won’t purchase revealing clothes and that you hope she’ll understand that you have only her best interests at heart.

Discuss the Image Your Teen Wishes to Portray

Seeing the attention lavished upon scantily-clad celebrities and noticing the attention that she gets when she wears revealing clothing can send a teen the message that less clothing sets her apart from the crowd and helps her to stand out. What she doesn’t typically understand is that the kind of attention she’s attracting is probably not the kind she’s seeking. Talking about the kind of image that she wishes to portray and the fact that skimpy clothing can cause people to see only her physical attributes and not her intelligence or character may help to dissuade your teen from dressing in such a manner, especially if she doesn’t understand that attention from the opposite sex based upon her revealing clothing is almost always conditional.

Explaining that boys who praise her lack of modesty and seek out her company when she’s dressed in a revealing fashion are almost invariably not the kind who are looking for actual relationships or who have much regard for her feelings can appeal to the romanticism that teenage girls can harbor. Let her know that sexual attention isn’t love, and that dressing more modestly can attract the attention of boys who are interested in her mind and personality, rather than her body.

Trying to convince your teenager to wear less revealing clothing and dress more modestly can be an uphill battle, especially if her friends and others in her immediate social circle are prone to dressing inappropriately. It may take quite some time before you see actual results from your efforts, but it’s important to stick to your proverbial guns in the interest of consistency and establishing parental authority.

TeenFashion

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Teen and Parent Communication: Starting the Conversation

Posted by Sue Scheff on October 18, 2015  /   Posted in Entitlement Issue, Parenting Teens, Teen Help, Troubled Teens

Parenting teens today is not the easiest job, although if you ask our parents or grandparents I would venture to say they would remember challenging times too. It’s all relative.

Teens have a mind of their own.

They seem to move from child to young adult almost overnight.  Parents of teens frequently find themselves irritated by the things they say and the way they act.  You may be trying to make sense of the chaos of adolescence, but it can be a mistake to judge them too quickly.

Here are a few myths about teenagers and how to be sure you dispel them.

My teen doesn’t care about my feelings.  The words your teen uses might lead you to feel unloved by him, however, the truth is that he does care about you a great deal.

Children from around age 11 and up are going through many changes.  Some are physical in nature, but there are also many emotional shifts.  Your child is growing up, learning a lot and realizing that at some point he is going to have to live a life apart from you.  He is attempting to assert his independence from you and is at times unsure of how to do this appropriately.  He will attempt many things, including talking back and disregarding your feelings.  Your teen actually cares a great deal about your feelings and is looking for reassurance that it is ok for him to separate from you in some ways.  While it may not be acceptable for him to talk to you in a disrespectful way, it’s important to talk to and treat your teen like an adult as much as you can.  How do you respond to other adults when they say hurtful things to you?

My teenager is lazy. While some teens have better work ethic than others, the adjective “lazy” is not an accurate description of most teens.  When motivated, a teen can do amazing things; even a teen who plays video games for too many hours a day can be inspired to do amazing things.  The key term here is motivation.  Finding what motivates your teen is important, and may be the only way to get him to get off the couch and help around the house.  The best way to motivate a teen is to give him ownership of the project.

If you expect him to help keep the house clean, then he needs to feel that he has a vested interest in the home.  Letting him have input on where furniture goes, what carpet is picked out or what color the walls are can go further in investing your child in the home than you think.  There is nothing wrong with offering incentives for your child to complete tasks, whether monetary or relationship based.  However, nagging and hounding your teen will NOT create motivation.

My teen never listens to my advice.  Teenagers are going though many changes and are trying to find their identity outside of their parents view.  Your teen is most likely listening to you, but greatly wants to gain an independent life. He is afraid that following your advice will lead him to being dependent on you for a long time.  Parents of teens have to walk a very thin line between giving advice and telling the child what to do.  If your teen is still coming to you for advice, count yourself lucky, because that often stops at some point in the adolescent years too.

When your child tells you a story or shares an issue he is facing, do not jump in and tell him how to fix the problem.  Step back and just listen, ask questions to clarify and then validate the feelings he might be having about the situation.  Once he has finished the story, you can ask him if he wants your advice.  He may say no, in which case you thank him for telling you and let him know you are there if he wants to talk about it further.  If he says he wants your advice, give it with caution, understanding the best way for him to learn is if he helps to come up with the solution.  Because of this, aiding your child through questions can be the most helpful.  Once the advice is given, it is his hands.  He needs to be given the freedom to choose what he will do with your suggestions.

DadSonComputer

Get interested in their interests!

My teen does not want to spend time with me anymore.  While it is very true that as your child gets older he will spend less and less time with you, it is far from the truth that your teen does not want to spend time with you.  Most teens have more activities outside of the home as they get older and their interests change drastically, sometimes from one day to the next.  The way they talk might even change.  All these adjustments mean that you will understand him less and less each day.

It is not that he wants to spend less time with you; it is that he perceives there are fewer things he has in common with you.  Making an effort to understand the culture and how it changes from day to day can greatly improve the time you spend together because you will have more in common with him.  The truth is that he still craves the time he gets to spend with his mom or dad, but realizes often unconsciously that he needs to pull away from you too.

It is too late to build good communication habits in my teen. It is never too late to teach and model healthy communication habits.  You may feel that the habits both you and your child have are already ingrained in your mind and will never change, but that simply is not true.  It takes small but measurable changes in your behavior to effectively help your teen communicate better.  Your teen is likely looking for someone to work to understand him, even if that person never fully can.

Raising a teenager can be a maddening adventure, but it can also be touching.  To see the child that was once so little and helpless becoming an adult can be overwhelming.  Sometimes parents want to hold onto the little child they once knew.  Unfortunately, attempting to hold on by treating the young adult like you did when he was little can cause a great deal of friction between you both.  It is a difficult process to communicate with a teenager, but when done with respect and understanding it can be a less frustrating phase.

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Do you find your teen shutting-down? Are you not able to get through to them and have exhausted your local resources such as therapy?  Contact us for information on residential treatment.

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Respect: A Word Some Teens Are Not Familiar With Today

Posted by Sue Scheff on October 14, 2015  /   Posted in Entitlement Issue, Parenting Teens, Teen Help, Troubled Teens

MomTeenRespectA word that needs to come back into this generation of teenagers.

It’s evident we live in a society of entitlement.

As a child approaches adolescence, the natural exploration of boundaries and the need to assert his own independence often leaves his parents feeling as if all respect between them has dissipated. Arguing, defiance and even foul language are normal, though admittedly incredibly frustrating, aspects of parenting a teenager.

While regaining a teen’s respect may seem like an impossible proposition, there are ways that you can restore some semblance of balance and civility to your relationship as he gets older. While patience and a refusal to reward bad behavior are the keys to maintaining a measure of order in your home as the parent of teenagers, there are some methods that can supplement your efforts along the way.

Show Respect
In order to maintain your teenager’s respect, you’ll need to make sure that you show the same measure of respect in return. If you resort to shouting, threats and anger to get your point across, your teen isn’t likely to have much respect for your pleas for civility. Demanding that your adolescent child blindly follows your directions and falls in line with your rules while refusing to show any sort of respect for their own valid feelings and needs is far more likely to backfire than to inspire
rank-and-file obedience.

Set Reasonable Boundaries
Just as younger children need to know what the boundaries of acceptable behavior are in order to stay within them, so will your teen. The difference between them is that your teenager will need a bit of independence to make his own choices. Allowing him a reasonable amount of space to explore the world as he matures will allow your teen to make mistakes that will serve as learning experiences, and not feel as if he’s being stifled by the demands of adults that he views as out of touch with the world. While you certainly don’t want to encourage dangerous experimentation or condone bad decisions that will affect the rest of his life, it is wise to give him ample space to make a few minor mistakes he can learn from.

Maintain an Open Line of Communication
When a teen feels as if you’re completely out of touch and aren’t willing to listen to him, he’s not likely to approach you with his concerns or seek advice from you about difficult situations he faces. Making sure that you establish and maintain an open line of judgment-free communication reinforces the idea that he can still come to you when he’s in trouble, and that you will respect his growing maturity. In return, your teen is more likely to extend the same respect to you.

Try Not to Feel Hurt or Rejected
It’s normal to feel as if you’re being rejected by your teenager when he seems to constantly choose his friends and peers over you, but it’s important to remember that it’s a natural part of growing up. Feeling that pain is understandable and acceptable, but it’s not a good idea to act on your hurt feelings by lashing out or establishing excessively restrictive rules that force him to spend his free time with you. Forced time is not quality time, and will almost certainly end in a showdown.

Realize That “Do as I Say, Not as I Do” is Counter-Productive
The desire to ensure that your child doesn’t make the same mistakes you have or exhibit the same problem personality traits can create an environment in which you expect your child to follow your instructions while you openly flout them. The “do as I say, not as I do” approach isn’t effective when children are young, but it can truly come back to haunt you when a teenager accuses you of hypocrisy and unfairness. Try to model the behavior you want your teen to exhibit to the best of your abilities to avoid these altercations and encourage him to respect you.

TeenMowingGive Them Responsibilities
Kids who have no responsibilities and a sense of entitlement that leads them to feel as if the world owes them everything have no respect for anyone or anything. Making sure that your children have some responsibilities, both financial and in the way of chores or daily tasks, may not seem like a recipe for respect on the surface, however the qualities that having some responsibility instills naturally extend themselves to having a bit more respect than their overindulged peers.

Recognize the Things They Do
While you’re delegating responsibility and setting reasonable boundaries, make sure that you take the time to acknowledge and openly appreciate the things that your teenager does. Feeling as if his efforts to abide by the rules and contribute to the household are completely unnoticed or unappreciated doesn’t inspire your teen to keep meeting expectations that he knows you won’t acknowledge anyway. Take a moment to thank your teen for helping out or behaving well, and let him know that the freedom he is afforded is directly tied to the fact that his good behavior at home indicates to you that he can be trusted.

Is your teen completely out of control? Disrespecting you and your boundaries? Are you feeling like a hostage in your own home? After exhausting your local resources, such as reaching out for help with a counselor, please contact us about information for residential therapy.

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Internet Addiction and Teenagers: Shutting Down Their Devices

Posted by Sue Scheff on October 11, 2015  /   Posted in Digital Parenting, Internet Safety, Parenting Teens, Struggling Teen Help, Teen Help, Troubled Teens

SueScheffBlog.com - The Internet Isnt All Bad Teens Without it Seen as Educationally Disadvantaged Pic 1Today it’s more than drug addiction parents are concerned about, we have the digital addiction. It has been rampant to the point that there are teen help programs designed to detox teens from their devices.

When should you remove your teenager from the Internet?

The Internet is an amazing source of information, news and culture. But the Internet also has a dark side that isn’t always appropriate for all ages. Perhaps that is why parents have stepped in to monitor how their children are exposed to the Internet. It’s a tough job, but it’s a responsibility that a parent needs to keep up with – both online and offline.

10 Reasons Why Parents Consider Shutting Down Their Teen’s Digital Connection:

  1. Pornography: The Internet has plenty of valuable and useful information. It also has a great deal of highly offensive pornographic material that is not suitable for children. Parents can exercise their discretion in monitoring their children’s intake of pornography and have a responsibility to do so. Without their careful monitoring, a child can be exposed to things that they have no business seeing.
  2. Hateful Content: The freedom of expression the Internet allows can expose some truly hateful opinions. Teens should not be exposed to this sort of hateful content, and it’s important that parents step in to prevent teens, especially children,  from hearing overtly hateful messages.
  3. Religious Reasons: The Internet is the ultimate open forum where people can express a dizzying array of views on any subject. For those parents who have deeply held religious beliefs, exposing their children to discriminatory messages may not be tolerated. This might be a good reason to step in and take the Internet away from a kid who is snooping around in all the wrong places.
  4. They Should be Exercising: Whatever happened to playing outside? Many children spend too much time on the Internet and not enough time exercising. To help combat the epidemic of obesity, parents should step in and be sure that their kids are getting enough exercise. One great way to do this is to take away their kids’ favorite distraction: the Internet.
  5. Punishment: Now that kids rely on the Internet for everything, taking away a child’s access to the Internet can be an effective punishment. Threatening to take away Internet or Internet access may keep even the most unruly kids on their best behavior.
  6. Age: There is no official age limit on who can access the Internet, but parents have a good idea of who is too young to surf the web and should enforce those common sense ideas. If a kid is barely in Kindergarten, they may not need an iPhone or Internet access. Parents should use their discretion when it comes to children and the Internet.
  7. Excess Usage: If a kid is using the Internet way too much, a parent should step in and take it away. Why? Because many negative behaviors can be correlated with over dependence on the Internet at a young age, such as anti-social behavior, obesity and poor academic performance. Parents should closely monitor how long their kids spend on the net and take the appropriate steps to ensure that they aren’t surfing too much.
  8. Money Reasons: High speed Internet access can be expensive. In these tough economic times, sacrifices must be made. For some families, the expensive Internet access their kids enjoy may be on the chopping block. When facing a dismal financial reality, the Internet is a luxury that not every kid or family will be able to afford.
  9. Security: The Internet can be a dangerous place. From identity theft to sexual predators, kids are at risk when they surf the web. A responsible parent will know when to step in and ensure that their children are surfing safely. If they can’t surf safely, kids shouldn’t surf at all.
  10. Life Lessons: Going without something you enjoy is an important life lesson. You may not always get your way, and life isn’t always instantaneously gratifying. By taking away the ultimate source of instant gratification, for whatever reason, kids can learn a valuable life lesson that you can’t always get what you want.

CyberbullyingTeensThis is about finding balance in your teen’s life. Keep in mind you want to build trust in your child’s online and offline relationship. If they are being harassed (cyberbullied) online, you want them to feel comfortable coming to you without the fear of having their life-line, (the Internet), removed from them.

Shutting down devices is about health and wellness for your family, as well as if they are misusing it.  However if they are a victim, be sure you are compassionate and non-judgmental. They need you. Your offline parenting about online life should be in place to help them with these times.

If you find the Internet addiction has taken control of their life, you have exhausted your local resources, please contact us for information on teen help residential programs that may help you.

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Dangers of Digital Dieting and Teens

Posted by Sue Scheff on October 07, 2015  /   Posted in Digital Parenting, Parenting Teens, Residential Therapy, Teen Help

DigDatingIt is not a secret, being healthy is good for you.  Society dictates that being thin is in, however we need to understand that being healthy is priority.  Thin for one person may not be the same as it is for another.

Teenagers surf the net more than ever and what they are finding can be educational but it can also be harmful to their health.  There are actually sites that promote anorexia and show your teens how to hide this deadly disorder.

Parents should also be aware of what their kids may be exposed to online – and the websites that promote dangerous and destructive dieting. The best Internet filter is the one that runs in teens’ heads – not any filter a parent may install on a home computer. Talk with your children about dangerous and inappropriate sites and keep the lines of communication open so that they might come to you when they encounter destructive information and images online. – Connect with Kids

The National Eating Disorders Association offers these tips for kids on eating well and feeling good about themselves:

  • Eat when you are hungry. Stop eating when you are full.
  • All foods can be part of healthy eating. There are no “good” or “bad” foods, so try to eat lots of different foods, including fruits, vegetables, and even sweets sometimes.
  • When having a snack try to eat different types.
  • If you are sad or mad or have nothing to do-and you are not really hungry find something to do other than eating.
  • Remember: kids and adults who exercise and stay active are healthier and better able to do what they want to do, no matter what they weigh or how they look.
  • Try to find a sport or an activity that you like and do it! Join a team, join the YMCA, join in with a friend or even practice by yourself

If you believe your teen is at risk, please seek help through adolescent therapists. When you have exhausted your local resources, please contact us for more information on residential treatment. Eating disorders are a very serious concern.

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Tips for Teen Drivers for Road Safety

Posted by Sue Scheff on October 03, 2015  /   Posted in Parenting Teens, Teen Help

TeenDriving_4There is much excitement in a teen’s life when he gets his driver’s license. A new world of freedom is open, one that makes him far more independent from his parents. But there is some info teens should know before they hit the road. Here are some driving tips every parent should cover before he gets behind the wheel

Driving is a Privilege

Driving is a privilege that can be revoked, by parents or by the law. A safe driver keeps everyone happy. Have a heart to heart with your teen about the dangers of driving. Don’t avoid the uncomfortable subjects. Eleven percent of all alcohol consumption in the U.S. is done by young adults between the ages of 12-20, and there is a zero-tolerance policy for underage drinkers. As a parent, you have the authority to revoke a license. Also, every traffic citation on his record increases the insurance premium. Hold him responsible for any tickets or increases in insurance because of careless or reckless driving.

Be Prepared

There are stretches of more than 100 miles in the U.S. with no gas stations. US 70 in Eastern Utah has a stretch of 105 miles without services. If your teen has a road trip planned, make sure he leaves the house prepared. It’s important to keep an empty gas can in the trunk. GasBuddy is also a helpful app that locates the best gas deals in your area. This can be helpful when the needle nears empty on a long trip. Perils of road tripping abound. Check out this infographic to help your teen be super prepared.

FINAL NEXEN TIRE BUYER IG

Attribution to TireBuyer.com

Put Down The Phone

Talk to your teen about phone use. While it depends what state you live in, most states have strict laws concerning the hand use of smartphones while behind the wheel. A ticket and raised insurance cost are drawbacks of smartphone use while driving, but the distraction could be fatal.

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Bullying and Cyberbullying: The Effect It Has On Teens

Posted by Sue Scheff on October 02, 2015  /   Posted in Parenting Teens, Struggling Teen Help, Teen Help

cyber-bullying55Bullying and cyberbullying is a major concern today. When we read headlines of youth taking their lives and read more about their life — what they experienced, what they felt, was the end of the world. Especially cyberbullying that can spread so fast and furious – their entire school campus and community feels like it was closing in on them.

They soon feel like there is no way out. The shame, the humiliation, and peer cruelty can be overwhelming.

Experts have discovered the majority of kids and teens don’t tell their parents when they are being harassed or teased for fear of further embarrassment or the parent may remove their life-long, the Internet.  Keep in mind, the technology is not the issue — it’s the people using it.

Bullying can affect everyone—those who are bullied, those who bully, and those who witness bullying. Bullying is linked to many negative outcomes including impacts on mental health, substance use, and suicide. It is important to talk to kids to determine whether bullying—or something else—is a concern.

Kids Who are Bullied

Kids who are bullied can experience negative physical, school, and mental health issues.

Kids who are bullied are more likely to experience:

  • Depression and anxiety, increased feelings of sadness and loneliness, changes in sleep and eating patterns, and loss of interest in activities they used to enjoy. These issues may persist into adulthood.
  • Health complaints
  • Decreased academic achievement—GPA and standardized test scores—and school participation. They are more likely to miss, skip, or drop out of school.

Kids Who Bully Others

Kids who bully others can also engage in violent and other risky behaviors into adulthood.

Kids who bully are more likely to:

  • Abuse alcohol and other drugs in adolescence and as adults
  • Get into fights, vandalize property, and drop out of school
  • Engage in early sexual activity
  • Have criminal convictions and traffic citations as adults
  • Be abusive toward their romantic partners, spouses, or children as adults

CyberBullying_5Be Aware of What Your Kids are Doing Online

Talk with your kids about cyberbullying and other online issues regularly.

  • Know the sites your kids visit and their online activities. Ask where they’re going, what they’re doing, and who they’re doing it with.
  • Tell your kids that as a responsible parent you may review their online communications if you think there is reason for concern. Installing parental control filtering software or monitoring programs are one option for monitoring your child’s online behavior, but do not rely solely on these tools.
  • Have a sense of what they do online and in texts. Learn about the sites they like. Try out the devices they use.
  • Ask for their passwords, but tell them you’ll only use them in case of emergency.
  • Ask to “friend” or “follow” your kids on social media sites or ask another trusted adult to do so.
  • Encourage your kids to tell you immediately if they, or someone they know, is being cyberbullied. Explain that you will not take away their computers or cell phones if they confide in you about a problem they are having.

Sources: StopBullying.gov

If your teen is struggling with issues from being bullied or cyberbullied and has become withdrawn, be sure to reach out and get them help. If you have exhausted all your local resources and they are continuing to shut-down, it may be time to consider residential therapy. Contact us for more information.

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