Are you struggling with family conflict in your home?
Does your teen make you feel like your walking on eggshells?
You’re not alone!
Conflict can happen when family members, especially teenagers, have different views (wants or needs) or beliefs that clash. Sometimes conflict can occur when people misunderstand each other and jump to the wrong conclusion. Issues of conflict that are not resolved peacefully can lead to arguments and resentment.
It is normal to disagree with each other from time to time. Occasional conflict is part of family life. However, ongoing conflict can be stressful and damaging to relationships. Some people find it difficult to manage their feelings and become intentionally hurtful, aggressive or even violent.
Communicating in a positive way with your teen can help reduce conflict so that family members can reach a peaceful resolution. This usually means that everyone agrees to a compromise or agrees to disagree.
Sometimes, strong emotions or the power imbalances that can be present in relationships are difficult to resolve and can only be addressed in a counselling situation.
Common causes of family conflict
It is well recognized that some of the stages a family goes through can cause conflict. These may include:
Learning to live as a new couple (new step-parents)
Birth of a baby (new siblings)
Birth of other children
A child going to school (changing schools)
A child becoming a young person (puberty)
A young person becoming an adult.
Each of these stages can create new and different stresses and potential conflict.
Changes in the family situation can also take a toll on the family and contribute to conflict.
This may include events such as:
Separation or divorce
Moving to a new house or country
Travelling long distances to work
Commuting interstate for work.
Change in financial circumstances.
All of these common events can impact a teen’s young emotional life as much as a parent will try to make the transistion seamless.
Agreeing to negotiate
Usually, our first angry impulse is to push the point that we are right and win the argument at any cost. Finding a peaceful resolution can be difficult, if not impossible, when both parties stubbornly stick to their guns. It helps if everyone decides as a family to try listening to each other and negotiating instead.
Work out if the issue is worth fighting over.
Try to separate the problem from the person.
Try to cool off first if you feel too angry to talk calmly.
Keep in mind that the idea is to resolve the conflict, not win the argument.
Remember that the other party isn’t obliged to always agree with you on everything.
Define the problem and stick to the topic.
Respect the other person’s point of view by paying attention and listening.
Talk clearly and reasonably.
Try to find points of common ground.
Agree to disagree (within reason with a teen).
Try to listen
Conflict can escalate when the people involved are too angry to listen to each other. Misunderstandings fuel arguments. Suggestions include:
Try to stay calm.
Try to put emotions aside.
Don’t interrupt the other person while they are speaking.
Actively listen to what they are saying and what they mean.
Check that you understand them by asking questions.
Communicate your side of the story clearly and honestly.
Resist the urge to bring up other unresolved but unrelated issues.
Work as a team
Once both parents and teen understand the views and feelings of the other, you hopefully can work out a solution together.
Come up with as many possible solutions as you can.
Be willing to compromise.
Make sure everyone clearly understands the chosen solution.
Once the solution is decided on, stick to it.
Write it down as a ‘contract’, if necessary.
There are services available to help family members work through difficult issues of conflict. Seek professional advice if you think you need some assistance. A local therapist through your insurance provider or a referral from a friend or family doctor could help get you started.
If your teen continues to cause contention and conflict in your home, it might be time to consider resources such as residential therapy to determine where their anger is stemming from.
Order the new best selling book on family conflict, Fault Lines.
How to Guide Your Teen Through Uncertainties About the Future
Teenagers today are subject to a lot of pressure as they plan for their future in these uncertain times. Saving up for college, part-time work, and the pressure to achieve can be emotionally taxing for your high schooler.
As a parent, you can guide your teen through these challenges and put their minds at ease as they prepare for adulthood.
The Impact of Stress on Teens
In a 2018 survey, the American Psychological Association reported that teenagers experience more anxiety and depression than adults. The pandemic has made this situation much worse. Isolation caused by school closures, worry about getting sick, and related issues have put adolescents at greater risk for mental health issues.
How can you help your teenage child with anxiety? The first step is discovering if your child has a problem. Teens may not answer questions about their mental health adequately. Look for telltale signs of stress and depression such as:
Physical symptoms including headaches, stomach aches, or exhaustion
Loss of interest in activities or loss of appetite
Irregular sleep habits
Difficulty focusing or making decisions
Withdrawal, seclusion, or apathy
Teach Your Child to Manage Stress
If your child seems to be struggling with these issues, you can employ several strategies to help them manage their stress. One of the most important is to create a peaceful environment in your home. Even the most functional families can overreact in stressful times. However, you can choose to react calmly when in times of crisis.
When you feel the urge to lose your temper because of your teen’s behavior or actions, take a step back and breathe for a few moments before engaging them. Show how to handle a difficult situation instead of telling them to calm down when they are angry.
Another key is to communicate openly and frequently with your child. Invite them to offer their opinions, input, and ideas on everything from planning family traditions to current events. Be honest with them about your feelings as well. And when you see them accomplish their goals or share their experiences, take the time to acknowledge and encourage their efforts.
Another way to reduce their stress is to help your teens take ownership of their health. Exercise, proper sleep, and nutritious food choices can reduce anxiety. When these habits improve how they feel, they will make them part of their routine.
The next step is to help them plan for their future to reduce the pressure they experience today.
Planning for a Career Path
The goal of high school is to guide your child onto a career path, which can lead to a great deal of tension. They may suffer performance anxiety in academics or athletics, worry about college admission or tuition expenses, and stress over a high school career that will help them achieve their goals.
Choosing a career path can be confusing. Sit down with your teen to explore different options. Review their strengths and interests but keep in mind that these alone will not always help them find the best options.
If they are concerned about employment opportunities in the future, have them look at jobs or industries that are in need or are growing. For example, there is a shortage of medical doctors and other health providers in the U.S. This shortage is expected to increase over the next 20 years as older physicians retire. Pursuing a degree in medicine, nursing, or other healthcare disciplines will be valuable in times to come.
Finally, remember to tell your teen that they need not stress too much over future career paths. Their early college years have basic electives and introductory courses in their chosen profession, allowing them to get a taste of their potential career. There is enough time to change their path before advancing too far.
Connect your teens with professionals in the field to get an idea of what the job entails. They should also talk to successful professionals who changed their major in college.
Teens are not just worried about their careers. Financial security in today’s economy is another anxiety-inducing concern.
Planning for Financial Security
Your child may be worried about their financial future. Tuition costs are one concern. They may even be aware that many millennials struggle to buy a home thanks to outstanding college debt. Another worry they have is figuring out how to build good credit for a future mortgage.
Even if buying a home is far off for your teens, they may be considering other expenses, like traveling to Europe or buying a car.
Help your teen reduce stress about the future by teaching them the basics of financial security. You can cover budgeting, saving, and investing topics in a more practical way than a school course. Teach your teens savvy financial habits such as these:
Put money aside every week once they have a job or from their allowance.
Have them set a small goal for some of their savings, such as a new phone.
Get them to track their spending to achieve this goal. Teach them to set up an income and expenditures spreadsheet.
If your child is very responsible, you can add them to your credit card as an authorized user to help them establish a credit history and score.
Teens have a lot of pressure on them to succeed today. You can model and teach good habits to manage that stress. In addition, helping them for a career and financial security will ensure a successful future.
We hear so many labels these days with teenagers, ADD, ADHD, ODD, bipolar – there is always family conflict and I frequently am asked about conduct disorder.
Conduct disorder is a set of ongoing emotional and behavioral problems that occurs in children and teens. Problems may involve defiant or impulsive behavior, drug use, or criminal activity.
What causes conduct disorder?
Conduct disorder has been linked to:
Drug or alcohol abuse in the parents
The diagnosis is more common among boys.
It is hard to know how common the disorder is. This is because many of the qualities for diagnosis, such as “defiance” and “rule breaking,” are hard to define. For a diagnosis of conduct disorder, the behavior must be much more extreme than is socially acceptable.
Conduct disorder is often linked to attention-deficit disorder. Conduct disorder also can be an early sign of depression or bipolar disorder.
What are some of the symptoms?
Children with conduct disorder tend to be impulsive, hard to control, and not concerned about the feelings of other people.
Symptoms may include:
Breaking rules without clear reason
Cruel or aggressive behavior toward people or animals (for example: bullying, fighting, using dangerous weapons, forcing sexual activity, and stealing)
Not going to school (truancy — beginning before age 13)
Heavy drinking and/or heavy drug abuse
Intentionally setting fires
Lying to get a favor or avoid things they have to do
Vandalizing or destroying property
These children often make no effort to hide their aggressive behaviors. They may have a hard time making real friends.
How can parents treat conduct disorder?
Treatment for conduct disorder is based on many factors, including the child’s age, the severity of symptoms, as well as the child’s ability to participate in and tolerate specific therapies. Treatment usually consists of a combination of the following:
Psychotherapy: Psychotherapy (a type of counseling) is aimed at helping the child learn to express and control anger in more appropriate ways. A type of therapy called cognitive-behavioral therapy aims to reshape the child’s thinking (cognition) to improve problem solving skills, anger management, moral reasoning skills, and impulse control. Family therapy may be used to help improve family interactions and communication among family members. A specialized therapy technique called parent management training (PMT) teaches parents ways to positively alter their child’s behavior in the home.
Medication: Although there is no medication formally approved to treat conduct disorder, various drugs may be used to treat some of its distressing symptoms, as well as any other mental illnesses that may be present, such as ADHD or major depression.
Sources: A.D.A.M. Health, WedMD
If you feel you have exhausted your local resources, your teen is shutting down in therapy, out-patient isn’t working, please contact us for information regarding quality residential therapy.
Parents, teens and mental health: Suicide ideation rates nearly double since the pandemic
CHICAGO–(BUSINESS WIRE)–Sep 10, 2021–
Suicide is the second leading cause of death for teens and young adults, and according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), teens are of growing concern with rates of suicidal ideation and attempts nearly twice as high compared to pre- pandemic times.
ComPsych, the world’s largest provider of integrated behavioral health and well-being services, has seen a double-digit increase in calls related to anxiety and depression worries with their teens and a 35% spike in corporate requests for employee suicide awareness and prevention training.
“The teen mental health crisis is one of the most pressing challenges of our time and as the pandemic continues, we can see the confluence of crisis exacerbate anxiety, depression and thoughts of suicide,” said Dr. Richard A. Chaifetz, Founder, Chairman and CEO of ComPsych. “Resources are key in helping support people and preventing tragedy.”
A recent ComPsych Tell it Now ℠ poll reveals 49% of parents are concerned about the pressure, stress and anxiety their child is experiencing and don’t know how to help. Throughout September, National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month, ComPsych will host interactive customer trainings and share digital suicide prevention toolkits and resources to amplify the conversation, break stigma and highlight warning signs and ways to help those who may be suffering.
Experts agree increased mental health challenges influenced by disruptions in daily life, social isolation and changes in peer interactions have had a significant impact on adolescents and young adults. According to the CDC, even before the pandemic began, the youth suicide rate in the United States was the highest in recorded history. While progress has been made in raising awareness around mental health and suicide prevention in the past few years, unfortunately, suicide is still heavily stigmatized.
“Suicide prevention does not start in the emergency room, it starts at home, and at work,” said Chaifetz. “Employers play an increasingly important role in supporting the mental health and well-being of their employees – and destigmatizing mental health is critical to addressing challenges and reversing the trend,” said Chaifetz.
Being preoccupied with songs, movies or video games with violent or suicidal content
How to Help
Be sure to take action immediately if you suspect someone is suicidal. If you or someone you know is in an emergency, call The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800.273.TALK (8255) or call 911 immediately.
ComPsych® Corporation is the world’s largest provider of employee assistance programs (EAP) and is the pioneer and worldwide leader of fully integrated EAP, behavioral health, wellness, work-life, HR, FMLA and absence management services under its GuidanceResources® brand. ComPsych provides services to more than 56,000 organizations covering more than 127 million individuals throughout the U.S. and 190 countries. By creating “Build-to-Suit” programs, ComPsych helps employers attract and retain employees, increase employee productivity and improve overall health and well-being. For more information, visit www.compsych.com and follow us @ComPsych on Twitter.
Entitled attitude – feels they deserves or are “owed” stuff but not willing to put in the effort
Substance abuse, vaping
Self-harm, suicide ideation
Running away, sneaking out
Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)
Family conflict, withdrawing from family
Dropping out of their favorite activities (sports, dance, cheerleading)
Shoplifting, stealing (usually from parents)
Have you tried these things to help:
Switching schools, moving
School counselors, therapists
Taking away technology, removing cell-phones
Mentors, teen coaches
Short-term in-patient or out-patient services
Living with a relative
There are few things more frustrating than trying to help someone who doesn’t want help. They don’t see any reason to change their behavior because it isn’t causing enough pain and frustration now.
But if they don’t get help. . . then they are going to experience a very challenging life. They are unlikely to complete high-school let alone be able to obtain and hold a job. It is unlikely that they will have the opportunities that you want for them. They will struggle.
They need more help than you can offer. . . but it isn’t too late.
Removing your teen from the influences of negative peer groups or sometimes even family conflict can help them reflect more on what is creating their negative behavior.
These programs (therapeutic boarding schools/residential treatment centers) continue with your teen’s education, have therapists to work on your teen’s emotional wellbeing to help him develop coping and communication skills as well as building motivation and setting goals for their (now) bright future.
This is a major emotional and financial decision that shouldn’t be taken lightly. It’s why we help educate parents on schools and programs that would best fit their individual teen’s needs.
We know how confusing the internet can be — and you don’t want to make a rash decision while you’re in crisis. Learn from our mistakes, gain from our knowledge. Read more about the founders story.
Contact us today for a free consultant about teen help programs.
We hear it often. Your teen can be very angry or full of rage, many times it is targeted at the parent. Keep in mind they are not stupid.
They know parents love them unconditionally. No matter how anger they get, you will always love them. They are venting their rage towards you but many times it is not personal.
The American Psychological Association says that anger is a normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to violent outcomes.
Many teens today have a difficult time keeping their anger under control, as evidenced by the following data:
According to SafeYouth.com more than 1 in 3 high school students, both male and female, have been involved in a physical fight. 1 in 9 of those students have been injured badly enough to need medical treatment.
The 2002 National Gang Trends Survey (NGTS) stated that there are more than 24,500 different street gangs in the United States alone. More than 772,500 of the members of these gangs are teens and young adults.
The 2002 NGTS also showed that teens and young adults involved in gang activity are 60 times more likely to be killed than the rest of the American population.
A 2001 report released by the U.S. Department of Justice claims that 20 out of 1000 women ages 16 to 24 will experience a sexual assault while on a date. And that 68% of all rape victims know their attackers.
The U.S. Justice report also stated that 1 in 3 teens, both male and female, have experienced some sort of violent behavior from a dating partner.
Anger creates physical changes that both teens and parents need to recognize: increased heart rate, a rise in blood pressure, soaring adrenaline levels.
Once these changes occur, along with the thoughts that fuel the anger, the emotion can be hurtful. Provena Mercy Center cites the following warning signs indicating that your teen’s anger is unhealthy:
A frequent loss of temper at the slightest provocation
Brooding isolation from family and friends
Damage to one’s body or property
A need to exact revenge on others
Decreased involvement in social activities
If you believe your teen has a problem with anger, you can help him or her develop positive conflict resolution techniques. The University of Michigan Health System (UMHS) explains that teaching children strategies for dealing with their anger can be difficult, because you don’t know when your child will get angry again. To help, use the time between angry outbursts to discuss your child’s anger, and practice how to deal with it. The UMHS outlines the following strategies for teaching your child anger management:
Practice a substitute behavior. You and your child should develop a substitute behavior to use when he or she is about to get angry. Some ideas include breathing methods, counting backward or visualizing a peaceful scene or a stop sign.
Reward. Sit down with your child and figure out some rewards that he or she can earn by practicing the exercises (on a daily basis), and when he or she uses the exercises when frustrated or angry. Don’t skip the rewards – they are essential to the success of anger management in children.
Give examples. Think of times when you deal effectively with your own stress and point these out, very briefly, to your child. Also, share your coping strategies with your child as examples of how he/she might handle a similar situation. It is important for your child to see you successfully deal with your own anger.
Encourage using the exercises. When your child starts to get upset, briefly encourage him or her to practice the substitute behavior. Only prompt your child once. Do not continue to nag him/her about using the exercises.
Avoid arguments but do discipline consistently. Avoid arguing with your child. Everybody loses when a confrontation occurs. You need to set a good example and deal with your child in a quiet, matter-of-fact manner.
The Nemours Foundation reports that teens often require specific coping strategies that are less formal than behavior modification. Have your teen try the following tips next time he/she begins to lose his/her temper:
Listen to music with your headphones on and put your “anger energy” into dancing.
Write it down in any form – poetry or journal entries, for example.
Draw it – scribble, doodle or sketch your angry feelings using strong colors and lines.
Run, play a sport or work out. You’ll be amazed at how physical activity helps work out the anger.
Meditate or practice deep breathing. This one works best if you do it regularly, not when you’re actually having a meltdown. Meditation is a stress management technique that can help you gain self-control and not blow a fuse when you’re mad.
Talk about your feelings with someone you trust. Many times, other feelings – such as fear or sadness — lie beneath the anger. Talking about these feelings can help.
Distract yourself so you can get your mind past what’s bugging you. Watch television, read or go to the movies instead of stewing for hours about something.
Parents who teach anger-management strategies and encourage non-aggressive conflict-resolution techniques early on may find the teenage years less challenging. If your child has long-lasting feelings of anger or is unable to adopt coping strategies, seek medical assistance and treatment.
American Psychological Association
National Center for Education Statistics
Provena Mercy Center
University of Michigan Health System
U.S. Department of Education
If your teen is struggling with anger and rage to a point that it is destroying your family, don’t hesitate to reach out for local help. If they refuse to get help or you find it isn’t benefiting them, contact us to determine if residential therapy would be an option. Exhausting your local resources is always your first path.
There are almost as many reasons teens steal as there are things for teens to steal. One of the biggest reasons teens steal is peer pressure. Often, teens will steal items as a means of proving’ that they are “cool enough” to hang out with a certain group.
This is especially dangerous because if your teen can be convinced to break the law for petty theft, there is a strong possibility he or she can be convinced to try other, more dangerous behaviors, like drinking or drugs. It is because of this that it is imperative you correct this behavior before it escalates to something beyond your control.
Another common reason teens steal is because they want an item their peers have but they cannot afford to purchase. Teens are very peer influenced, and may feel that if they don’t have the ‘it’ sneakers or mp3 player, they’ll be considered less cool than the kids who do.
If your teen cannot afford these items, they may be so desperate to fit in that they simply steal the item. They may also steal money from you or a sibling to buy such an item. If you notice your teen has new electronics or accessories that you know you did not buy them, and your teen does not have a job or source of money, you may want to address whereabouts they came up with these items.
Teens may also steal simply for a thrill. Teens who steal for the ‘rush’ or the adrenaline boost are often simply bored and/ or testing the limits of authority. They may not even need or want the item they’re stealing! In cases like these, teens can act alone or as part of a group.
Often, friends accompanying teens who shoplift will act as a ‘lookout’ for their friend who is committing the theft.
Unfortunately, even if the lookout doesn’t actually steal anything, the can be prosecuted right along with the actual teen committing the crime, so its important that you make sure your teen is not aiding his or her friends who are shoplifting.
Yet another reason teens steal is for attention. If your teen feels neglected at home, or is jealous of the attention a sibling is getting, he or she may steal in the hopes that he or she is caught and the focus of your attention is diverted to them. If you suspect your teen is stealing or acting out to gain your attention, it is important that you address the problem before it garners more than just your attention, and becomes part of their criminal record.
Though unconventional, this is your teen’s way of asking for your help- don’t let them down!
If parents take the proper measures, in most cases the stealing stops as the child grows older. Child and adolescent psychiatrists recommend that when parents find out their child has stolen, they:
tell the child that stealing is wrong
help the youngster to pay for or return the stolen object
make sure that the child does not benefit from the theft in any way
avoid lecturing, predicting future bad behavior, or saying that they now consider the child to be a thief or a bad person
make clear that this behavior is totally unacceptable within the family tradition and the community
In treating a child who steals persistently, a mental health provider will evaluate the underlying reasons for the child’s need to steal, and develop a plan of treatment. Important parts of treatment can be helping the child form trusting relationships and helping the family to direct the child toward a healthier path of development.
If your teen is facing legal consequences or you realize they are taking things that don’t belong to them, reach out for help. If they refuse to attend or you have exhausted your local resources, please contact us for more information on residential therapy.
Raising Responsible Teens in an Entitlement Generation
Raising teenagers is not easy especially when they are expected everything handed to them. It seems we live in an entitlement generation.
It’s not uncommon to hear parents of teenagers bemoaning the lack of responsibility and maturity that their children exhibit. As kids get older and enter into the teenage years, it becomes more apparent that they’re actually approaching adulthood, whether they’re prepared for it or not.
Instilling a sense of responsibility in a teenager can be a very challenging prospect, but it can also help them to avoid succumbing to peer pressure or failing to learn important life skills as they grow into productive, capable adults.
Let Them Experience Natural Consequences
It’s normal to want to limit your teen’s exposure to disappointment, failure and hurt as she grows into an adult. However, shielding her from the natural consequences of her more irresponsible behavior will only make it more difficult for her to connect her choices to those consequences. While you certainly shouldn’t allow your child to behave recklessly or take dangerous risks without intervening, you also should think twice before stepping in to protect her from the inconvenience or even disappointment of making an irresponsible choice.
For instance, nagging and cajoling your teen to collect her laundry or pay her cell phone bill will probably only make her more likely to resist in an attempt to test boundaries and assert her independence. Allowing her phone to be shut off or her clothes to go unwashed as a result of her choice not to manage those tasks, however, can help her to understand the importance of managing her responsibilities.
Model Responsible Behavior
While a teenager may not show many signs of listening to what you say, you can be certain that she’s watching the things that you do. Demanding her to behave responsibly while allowing her to see you making decidedly irresponsible choices is not only ineffective, it can also be downright offensive to kids.
Taking a “do as I say, not as I do” approach to parenting doesn’t usually help your children gain the skills or learn the lessons that they need to learn, so be sure that you’re practicing what you preach when it comes to accepting responsibility and behaving accordingly.
Minimize Large, No-Strings-Attached Purchases
It’s become something of a rite of passage for teenagers to receive vehicles and other pricey objects as they come of age, but simply presenting them with such items without requiring that they take ownership for care and maintenance of them, or make any financial investment of their own, can cause your teen to feel as if she’s entitled to such grand gestures.
Helping your teen to purchase a car but insisting that she make part of the payments, purchasing a car outright but requiring her to pay for the insurance, and making sure that she alone is responsible for the care and upkeep of her things can help her learn more about how to be responsible and that she has to earn the things she wants rather than them just being given to her.
Maintain an Open Line of Communication
When your teen knows that she can approach you with her problems, concerns or questions, she may be more likely to do just that. Part of being responsible is learning how to admit when you need help, and learning from the experiences she has along the way. Make sure that your child knows she can come to you when she’s feeling pressured or anxious so that she’ll be more likely to address her problems than to seek an irresponsible, escapist solution that could have far-reaching implications.
Make a Chore List
If your teen wasn’t responsible for keeping track of and completing a list of chores as a child, instituting a policy of doing just that after she reaches adolescence can be a struggle. Still, she needs to understand that there are tasks in life that must be completed, even if they’re distasteful or less than thrilling. Giving your teen a list of chores and some real-life, practical consequences that accompany her failure to complete them are two ways of helping her to gain responsibility through experience and consequences.
Eat Dinner as a Family
In today’s busy world, sitting down to family dinners can seem like a major inconvenience. Studies at Emory University, The National Center of Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University and a white paper study by Dr. William J. Dougherty all show, however, that kids and teens that regularly share meals with their families have lower rates of obesity, higher academic performance, are less likely to develop or struggle with eating disorders, have higher self-esteem, and have lowered risks of depression, substance abuse and teen pregnancy than their peers whose families don’t share meals together. Preparing and sharing dinner as a family unit can help your child make more responsible choices and be more capable, productive and successful in adulthood.
Read more to help them learn about financial literacy.
Have you recently discovered the high costs of boarding schools, therapeutic boarding schools, residential treatment centers, and/or other avenues of academic and emotional growth assistance for your struggling teenager?
For the average middle class family, the fees can be staggering. Even people of means may experience “sticker shock” at the tuition of these programs.
Due to the extensive costs of operating specialty schools with the appropriate licenses, credentialed staff, and certified educational accreditation, it is extremely expensive.
The average cost of private therapeutic boarding schools and programs is approximately $7,500 per month and are generally not all-inclusive. There is usually a separate processing fee which can range from $2,500-$3,500 and normally covers insurances, administrative costs, and other various charges.
Some programs will include the uniform in that fee. Other programs will have an additional fee for uniforms. When choosing a program, be sure to ask specifically what is included and what extra fees to expect. If a private program is less than $5,000 per month, please be sure to do your research.
Specifically when you are reviewing religious programs, they don’t always have to meet the same standards or regulations that credentialed schools do. You can locate treatment centers that have spiritual component, however many religious affiliated programs do not have any reporting agencies which can be very troubling. For more information on this, Dateline did a segment about it, Broke Circle.
Many programs offer a discount if tuition is paid up front or paid quarterly. This is an individual decision which is dependent on your financial circumstances and family’s needs.
M-Lend Financial Options include interest free credit cards (at no additional costs) and low interest installment loans for various credit ratings up to 84 month terms and $100,000. Particularly for addiction treatment. With no interest charges for an extended period of time, this can be a welcome bridge to financing.
Prosper Lending Lends up to $35,000 for Health/Medical/Treatment at customized lending rates based on credit history, credit worthiness, and amount requested.
Cross Bank Medical Financing Loan amounts range from $1,000 to $35,000. No loans are offered in Connecticut, New York, West Virginia and Vermont. An origination fee of 8% is included in the principal loan amount. The Annual Percentage Rate (APR) is the cost of credit as a yearly rate. The APR offered to you will depend on such factors as your credit score, application information, loan amount, loan term, and credit history.
You can also ask the school or program you are considering if they have their own lenders.
If a child has a college fund, it might be a good time to use it. Although we expect (or hope) our children will want to go to college, getting your teen the emotional help they need is imperative. Without having coping skills, mental health wellness and social stability – it will be extremely difficult for them to be successful in higher education – whether it’s college or a trade school.
If you have a 529 Plan, ask your financial advisor or accountant for more information about withdrawing funds.
When the time comes when they are ready for that step and you have exhausted your educational fund, there are always grants and scholarships for which to apply.
Individual Educational Plan (IEP)
Does your child have an Individual Educational Plan (IEP) through your local school district? In some cases, this may defer some of your tuition costs in respect to the academic component of a boarding school or program. If you have an IEP in place for your child, it is important to ask the school or program you are considering if they work with IEPs and discuss the reimbursement process. For more information on IEPs, click here.
Home Equity Credit Line
Another alternative to financing a program is a Home Equity Credit Line. This can be beneficial to you in a few ways. Not only is a convenient way to access money that is needed, it can also be a tax deduction in regards to the interest payments.
Please keep in mind, sometimes the program you are sending your child to can also be a tax deduction in regards to medical expenses. The therapeutic and medical portions of the tuition can usually be deducted. Check with your tax preparer or accountant for more information.
Credit cards, though carrying a potentially high interest rate, may be able to provide you with the initial monies to enroll your child until you are able to access an educational loan, credit line, or other means of payment.
Many parents will use a credit card which accumulates airline miles or other beneficial services and pay it off within the 28-30 days with their credit line or other financial means. This prevents you from incurring finance charges. It can also be a way to earn airline travel to use when it comes time to visit your child if they are out of state.
Contact your medical insurance provider to see if they cover residential placement. Some will cover the first 30 days or possibly the therapeutic portion of your child’s stay (generally one third of the tuition). PPO’s are typically more likely to cover some costs (specifically if you have out-of-network benefits), however it never hurts to check with your insurance company.
In searching for programs, you may want to ask the program if they accept your insurance or have experience with how much you could expect from your specific insurance company. Having them process a verification of benefits (VOB) prior you enrolling your child or signing any contacts can be helpful in giving you a better idea of what your insurance will cover. Not all programs will do this, but a majority of them will.
For families that have Medicaid, HMO or a Tricare health insurance policy, and you would like your medical benefits to cover your child’s behavioral modification program — please contact the number on your insurance card and ask them for residential treatment centersin your network. This way you will have coverage. Self-pay programs start at about $7500 per month and up. They usually will only accept PPO insurance policies.
A Single Case Agreement (SCA) is a contract between an insurance company and an out-of-network provider for a specific patient, so that the patient can see that provider using their in-network benefits (i.e., the patient will only have to pay their routine in-network co-pays for sessions after meeting their in-network deductible (if any).
Single Child Insurance Policy for Mental Health
If you live in the following states, AZ, CO, FL, IL, KS, MO, NC, TN, UT, and VA, Cigna Health Insurance offers a single child mental health insurance policy. Open enrollment starts on November 1, 2020. Call for more information – (866) 621-8181. You can also ask the school or program you are considering if they accept this policy.
Family or Employee Loan
Many families will borrow from relatives or, in some cases, employers have been known to contribute to the family. There is a chance that this could also be a tax deduction for individuals or companies. Don’t be afraid to ask the program if they offer scholarships; some do have limited financial aid, so it is important to ask.
Was Your Child Adopted?
The Adoptive Families Coalition welcomes and helps families with post-adoption challenges. They offer a unique plan to assist in meeting the high cost of therapeutic boarding schools and residential treatment centers. You can find the sponsorship application page at http://adoptive.org/sponsorship/ or Call (602)-740-7149 or (602)-390-0220.
If you adopted your child through foster-care, there may also be financial resources for you. Check with your social worker and the state your child was adopted in to determine your benefits. Some private teen help programs are contracted with state foster-care agencies to assist families of struggling teens.
Was Your Child a Victim of a Crime?
If your child is struggling due to the fact that they were a victim of a crime, there are funds available to help you pay for therapeutic boarding schools and residential treatment in every state. In some cases, the entire tuition or a majority of the cost can be covered. You must apply for assistance in the state in which the crime was committed.
We should note that the crime must be merely reported and have a case number, it does not need to have gone to trial or resulted in a conviction in order to be eligible for funding. The National Association of Crime Victim Compensation Boards has a list of all of the state crime victim compensation web sites where you can begin to apply for funding for a therapeutic boarding school and residential treatment center.
P.U.R.E. does not offer any scholarships or financial aid.
If you are searching for free programs or programs that accept Medicaid, please contact your Medicaid provider for a list or programs in network. Your local United Way may also have resources for you.
DISCLAIMER P.U.R.E. makes no claims to the accuracy of this content and makes no warranties or guarantees that the information will result in funding or even potential funding. This information is not intended as financial advice, and P.U.R.E. is not responsible for the financial choices you make based upon this information. We highly recommend that you consult with a registered financial advisor or your accountant. Also, please take into consideration the entire breadth of your family’s financial obligations before selling any of your assets or entering into any kind of loan agreement, whether it be a personal or institutional loan.
Is your teen skipping classes or not attending school at all?
Do you have a smart teen making not good choices?
Truancy is a term used to describe any intentional unauthorized absence from compulsory schooling. Children in America today lose over five million days of their education each year through truancy.
Often times they do this without the knowledge of their parents or school officials. In common usage the term typically refers to absences caused by students of their own free will, and usually does not refer to legitimate “excused” absences, such as ones related to a medical condition. It may also refer to students who attend school but do not go to classes.
Because of this confusion many schools have their own definitions, and as such the exact meaning of the term itself will differ from school to school and district to district. In order to avoid or diminish confusion, many schools explicitly define the term and their particular usage thereof in the school’s handbook of policies and procedures. In many instances truancy is the term referring to an absence associated with the most brazen student irresponsibility and results in the greatest consequences.
Many educators view truancy as something much more far reaching than the immediate consequence that missed schooling has on a student’s education. Truancy may indicate more deeply embedded problems with the student, the education they are receiving, or both.
Because of its traditional association with juvenile delinquency, truancy in some schools may result in an ineligibility to graduate or to receive credit for class attended, until the time lost to truancy is made up through a combination of detention, fines, or summer school.
This can be especially troubling for a child, as failing school can lead to social impairment if the child is held back, economic impact if the child drops out or cannot continue his or her education, and emotional impact as the cycle of failure diminishes the adolescent’s self-esteem.
What causes truancy?
The reason a student misses school will for different depending on the age and circumstances of each student. Sometimes a student will skip school because they feel unsafe at school or on their way to or from school. Other students may miss school because of family issues, financial demands, substance abuse, or mental health problems.
Factors contributing to truancy commonly stem from three core areas: school, family and community. Innate student characteristics and their experiences within all these areas will have a heavy impact on truancy rates.
Many times these peers are seen encouraging truancy as a status-seeking activity or as a way of joining in or blending in.
The child’s natural instinct to want to be a part of a larger crowd or group dynamic will take over, even if they are taught better habits. Often times this same dynamic is prevalent in the face of any resistance the child may put forth, prompting teasing or goading the child into truanting.
What is classed as truancy can depend largely on the school’s attitude to the ‘truant’ or their problems. Relationships with teachers, seen as lacking respect/fairness, play a large factor in truancy rates among children. Often times this inability to get along with teachers and/or students will result in disciplinary problems which may lead to suspension, or expulsion.
Of course, being away from the school either voluntarily or at the school’s demand can have an adverse affect on the student’s academic performance, resulting in not being able to keep up with school work, getting poor grades, or even failing. A school may also be remiss in not notifying parents/guardians of absences.
This feeds into the larger school category as a whole, encompassing not only relationships with teachers and issues of fair treatment but also the content and delivery of the curriculum, seen as lacking in relevance and stimulus.
At this point the factors coming together are often times consolidated into the “standard” excuse from children regarding school and truancy, namely that they don’t like school in general or that they don’t like the particular school they are attending.
Compounding the problem is the ease with which some pupils slip away unnoticed and how their school systems do not have in place a method to deter them. For example inconsistent and ineffective school attendance policies, in conjunction with poor record keeping, may cause a school to inadequately identify a child’s special education needs.
Closely related to the issue of a child’s relationship with school is the matter of bullying. Bullying is a prime component in the making of an unsafe school environment; if a child does not feel safe at school, or on the way to/from school, they are much more likely to become truant.
Bullying occurs for many reasons and it goes beyond the one isolated instance of harassment either because of teachers’ inability to control, or problems arising from the child’s own personality or learning abilities. A parent might say they’re keeping their child off school because they’re being bullied. The school might call it truancy.
Individual (personal) factors related to child truancy include: lack of self-esteem/social skills/confidence; poor peer relations; lack of academic ability; special needs; and lack of concentration/self-management skills.
Professionals have identified that many chronically truant children had a job, had a family to support, or had trouble managing both school and work, thus forcing them to make a choice between personal life and school.
For sure when a child gets married, gets pregnant and/or becomes a parent the risk of truancy increases. Often times the risky behaviors are further instigated if the child develops or has already developed an alcohol or drug problem.
Family factors that contribute to truancy in students are innately personal in nature. Parentally condoned absence is especially influential, as it reinforces the lack of consequences for irresponsible/unwanted behavior on the part of the child.
Parental attitudes to education are crucial to schools success in keeping children in school; often times a parent’s condonation of truancy (albeit overt or tacit) is construed as the parent’s not valuing education.
It is worth noting that many parents indiscriminately sanction an absence by sending a note or making a call. Schools should be able to enlist the support of parents when it comes to tackling truancy.
When a parent doesn’t value education, wants their child to help them out at home or believes their child has good reasons for staying away, the task is altogether more challenging.
Many educators point to the prevalence of so-called ‘tourist truants’: like children who stay two weeks in the French Alps missing vital parts of their school curriculum. These kinds of trips give as negative a message to a child as a note for a fortnight off school for a mild cold.
Many schools will only exceptionally agree to a child missing more than 10 school days for a family holiday or other reason during one year. Some schools may refuse to authorize any absence for holidays.
Does it matter?
Children who play truant from school very often select the classes they want to miss. Usually the subjects they skip are ones the student finds difficult or boring, possibly a clash with the teacher is to blame.
One common pattern is for truants to attend school for morning and afternoon head counts, but somehow sneak out during most of the day. Missing lessons is bad news for any young person and truancy is likely to have a negative impact on their overall education and job prospects.
Children who constantly turn up late for lessons are disruptive to other students and the school’s learning environment, and truanting has a negative effect on school morale. It should also be noted that children who are truanting could be in physical danger or at risk from being drawn into criminal activity.
When The Law Gets Involved
Truancy, known simply as skipping school in some areas, is defined by all states as unexcused absences from school without the knowledge of a parent or guardian.
The fact is, juveniles who are school-aged are required by all states to attend school, whether that school is public, private, parochial, or some other educational forum.
Truancy is, therefore, a status offense as it only applies to people of a certain age. The school age of a juvenile varies from state to state, with most states requiring attendance either from age six to age 17 or from age five to 18. There are a number of exceptions, such as Pennsylvania, which denotes school age as between eight and 17 and Illinois which denotes school age as between seven and 16.
Most local education authorities employ education welfare officers (EWOs), sometimes called education social workers, to monitor attendance and help parents fulfill their responsibilities under the law.
Welfare officers often visit families whose children fail to attend school regularly. These visits are the start of a process which may, in the worst cases, end with the family being taken to court. Parents and care givers have a duty in law to ensure their registered school age children are educated.
The local education authority may institute legal proceedings against parents whose children do not regularly attend school (unless the parents can prove they’re being successfully educated at home).
Is your teen unmotivated? Underachieving? Learn more.
Is your teen missing or skipping many of their classes? Have you tried to talked with them and they are shutting you down? Maybe exhausted your local resources or tried having them speak with your friends or relatives? Have they been suspended or expelled?
If your teen is on the verge of suspension or expulsion and you have reached your wit’s end, please contact us for more information on residential therapy.