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Rebellious teens

Can Teen Help Programs Help Rebellious Teens

Posted by Sue Scheff on September 03, 2021  /   Posted in Teen Help

Will Teen Help Programs Help My Rebellious Teenager?

Eye rolling, curses, insults, backtalk, name-calling, ignored requests, snide comments: disrespect from your teen comes in many different forms.

If you’re dealing with a defiant, rebellious and disrespectful teenager, you’re not alone. This is one of the most common complaints we hear from parents today. Today’s teen has zero respect for authority – it’s not like generation’s earlier. When our parents told us to come home at 10pm, there was never a question – we were actually home ten minutes earlier!

Help Your Teens bigstock-Upset-Mom-And-Daughter-29710640-300x200 Can Teen Help Programs Help Rebellious Teens Backtalk? We wouldn’t dream of it, unless we enjoyed the taste of soap – or a good whipping! Yes, I said it.

I’m not saying any of us were abused, I’m only saying our parents were allowed to discipline us – and we learned respect very early in our tween-age life.

Not so much today. We’re living in an entitlement generation.

Disrespectful or rude behavior in teenagers is something many parents face at some point.

About disrespectful and defiant behavior in teenagers

Sometimes you might feel that interactions with your child all seem a bit like this:

  • You – ‘How’s that project going?’
  • Your child – ‘Why are you checking up on me? Don’t you trust me? I always get good marks, so why ask me about it?’
  • You – ‘I was only asking. I just wanted to know if you’re going OK with it …’
  • Your child – ‘Sure you were … mumble, mumble, mumble.’

As a parent, you might feel hurt, worried and unsure about what’s happened when you have conversations like this. Your child used to value your interest or input, but now it seems that even simple conversations turn into arguments.

There are reasons for your child’s behavior. And there’s also good news: this phase will usually pass.

Disrespect: where does it come from?

Not all teenagers are rude or disrespectful, but disrespect is a common part of teenage growth and development.

This is partly because your child is expressing and testing independent ideas, so there’ll be times when you disagree. Developing independence is a key part of growing up. It’s a good sign that your child is trying to take more responsibility. But your child is also still learning how to handle disagreement and differing opinions appropriately.

Also, your child is trying to balance their need for privacy with your need to stay connected and show you care. So sometimes you might get a rude or disrespectful response because your child feels you’re taking too much interest in what they’re doing or invading their space.

Your child’s moods can change quickly too. Because of the way teenage brains develop, your child can’t always handle changing feelings and reactions to everyday or unexpected things. And this can sometimes lead to over-sensitivity, which can lead in turn to grumpiness or rudeness. Teenage brain development can also affect your child’s ability to empathize and understand other people’s perspectives, including yours.

Sometimes disrespectful behavior might be a sign that your child is feeling particularly stressed or worried.

Teenagers are also starting to think more deeply about things, so they can have thoughts and feelings they’ve never had before. Some young people seem to have a conflicting and radical view on everything, and might question previously held beliefs. This shift to deeper thinking is a normal part of development too.

And sometimes teenagers are disrespectful because they think it might be a way to impress others, or because they’ve seen their friends behave this way.

Things to avoid with teenage disrespect and defiance

Help Your Teens BigstockAngerTeen-300x194 Can Teen Help Programs Help Rebellious Teens Arguing rarely works for parents or teenagers. When we get angry, we can say things we don’t mean. A more effective approach is to give yourself and your child some time to calm down.

If you’re angry or in the middle of an argument, it will be hard to calmly discuss what you expect of your child. A more effective approach is to tell your child that you want to talk, and agree on a time.

Being defensive is very rarely useful. Try not to take things personally. It might help to remind yourself that your child is trying to assert their independence.

Even though you have more life experience, lecturing your child about how to behave is likely to turn them off listening. If you want your child to listen to you, you might need to spend time actively listening to your child.

Nagging isn’t likely to have much effect. It might increase your frustration, and your child will probably just switch off.

Sarcasm will almost certainly create resentment and increase the distance between you and your child.

When to be concerned about teenage disrespect and defiance

If your child’s attitude towards you and your family doesn’t respond to any of the strategies suggested above, it might be a warning sign that there’s a deeper problem.

You might also be worried if:

  • there are changes in your child’s attitude or mood
  • your child withdraws from family, friends or usual activities
  • grades are dropping, underachieving in school
  • loss of interest in his favorite activities (sports, hobbies)
  • your child runs away from home or stops going to school regularly.

If you’re concerned about your child’s behavior, here are some things you can do:

  • Consider seeking professional support – good people to talk to include school counselors, teachers and adolescent therapist.
  • Discuss the issue as a family, and try to work out ways of supporting each other.
  • Talk to other parents and find out what they do.
Source: Raising Children Parenting Website

If you have exhausted your local resources and therapy isn’t working, it might be time to consider residential therapy. Contact us for more information.

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What’s My Teenager Thinking: Practical Child Psychology for Modern Parents

Posted by Sue Scheff on June 27, 2020  /   Posted in Featured Book, Teen Help

What’s My Teenager Thinking: Practical Child Psychology for Modern Parents

How to avoid conflict with your teen

Help Your Teens DefiantTeen-300x211 What's My Teenager Thinking: Practical Child Psychology for Modern Parents As the teenage brain rewires, hormones surge, and independence beckons, a perfect storm for family conflict emerges. Parenting just got tougher. But help is at hand.

This uniquely practical parenting book for raising teenagers in today’s world explores the science at work during this period of development, translates teenage behavior, and shows you how you can best respond as a parent – in the moment and the long term.

Taking over 100 everyday scenarios, the book tackles real-world situations head-on – from what to do when your teenager slams their bedroom door in your face to how to handle worries about online safety, peer group pressure, school work, and sex.

Discover how to create a supportive environment and communicate with confidence – to help your teenager manage whatever life brings.

Here’s an example of what you might be going through with your teen:

Help Your Teens BookWhatsMyTeenagerThinking-248x300 What's My Teenager Thinking: Practical Child Psychology for Modern Parents

Order on Amazon

1. I’ll clean my room later

Your teen’s room looks as if it’s been hit by a bomb.

What your teen is thinking…

When he was younger, your teenager’s room was a place to sleep and keep his things. Now he’s an adolescent, he sees it as an expression of who he is, as well as a sanctuary to escape to. Having his things around him makes him safe. Tidying up may also involve a level of planning and self-discipline he hasn’t yet developed.

What you’re thinking… You may feel he’s not respecting your home or the things you’ve bought him, and he’s not developing the organizational skills he needs to look after himself.

How to respond... View your teen’s untidiness as part of his transition to adulthood. The outward mess represents some of the reorganization going on inside his brain. Furthermore, when faced with a big job, your teen may not know where to begin.

Limit instructions to one or two at time, like putting rubbish in a bin bag, followed by putting dirty laundry in the basket. Suggest he blitzes his room for five minutes because once he’s started, he’s likely to keep going.

Talk about how it’s in his own interests, as he’ll be able to find things more easily and clothes look better if they’re hung up, so he’ll want to do it for his own reasons. Keep faith that he’ll eventually work out that a neater room is a more pleasant place to be.

Learn more, order What My Teenager is Thinking? by Tanith Carey and Dr. Carl Pickhardt on Amazon today.

 

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