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Teen Rape

Teen Dating: Respecting Each Other

Posted by Sue Scheff on July 16, 2015  /   Posted in Parenting Teens, Struggling Teen Help, Teen Help

TeenDate2Teen dating is not new.  At what age will you allow your teen to go on their first date?  Every parent has their own set of values, principles, and boundaries for their family.  In many situations it depends on the maturity of your child.

No matter what age, dating requires mutual respect for each other.

Many parents will cringe when they even think about their precious child reaching the age of dating.  Whether you believe it is 16 years-old or 20-years-old, there are worries and stress at all ages.  As a parent, worrying is a built in feature that comes with parenting – especially with teens.

Teen dating can be an exciting and fun time where self confidence is built up, and dating techniques are learned. Teens also learn how to be both assertive and compromising, how to be giving to another and how to expect the same in return. All of this is a sort of practice session in order to find that right person.

Unfortunately, too often teens start dating with no preparatory talks from their parents and then they can lead to trouble. According to Planned Parenthood, about 10 percent of teenage girls in the U.S. become pregnant before age 20. And the U.S. Attorney General reports that 38 percent of date rape victims are girls between the age of 14 and 17.

parent-talking-to-teenTalk to your teenager. Teach them how to date, how to have respect for one another and how to protect themselves.

Here are some more tips:

  1. BE A GOOD ROLE MODEL.Your relationship with your partner is a model for how your teen will behave with others. Your relationship for your child speaks far louder than anyone’s words. Show them how you compromise, stick up for yourself, give and expect respect and argue but love your spouse.
  2. TELL THEM TO LISTEN TO THEIR INNER VOICE. Help them pay attention to the voice inside that says, “I’m uncomfortable in this situation and don’t want to do this.” Teach them to trust their judgment. Tell them how to avoid unwanted sexual advances. Tell your sons that having sex does not make them a man and tell your daughters that having sex does not make them cool.
  3. WARN THEM ABOUT THE DANGER SIGNS. Being manipulated, verbally put down, pushed or slapped and kept isolated from other relationships are all signs of an abusive relationship. Make sure both your son and daughter understand that, and that they should come to you or another parent/teacher/counselor if they feel at all threatened or oppressed by their boyfriend or girlfriend.
  4. NO, MEANS NO. Tell them they need to be honest and clear in communications. “I’m not sure…” from a girl can mean “I just need to be pushed or pressured some more before I say yes” to her date. Tell girls to say “No” clearly and firmly. Tell boys if they hear “No” then proceeding anyway is rape.
  5. HAVE THE SEX TALK. Make them think seriously about what sexual intimacy really means to them. Tell boys they are not expected to try a million different ways to get sex. Tell girls that they do not need to have sex to keep a guy.

    father-and-son-talkingExplain to them them that oral sex and anal sex are sex. Many kids are having these forms of sex because they tell themselves it’s not really sex.First tell them they shouldn’t be having sex yet. Then tell them about contraception and sexually transmitted diseases. You hope they will wait to have sex, but if they don’t, it’s best that they protect themselves.

    Let them talk privately with their doctor so they can get what they need to take care of themselves. Encourage them to come to you with any question or conflict. Try to be open to discussing it, rather than lecturing them. You want them to listen to your opinion, yet at the same time feel they are making up their own mind.

Source: Dr. Gail Saltz

If your teen is in an abusive relationship be sure to seek help immediately.  If they refuse to attend, or it doesn’t seem to be working, reach out to friends and relatives.  If nothing seems to be resolving the destructive behavior or conflict, you may want to consider residential therapy.  Please contact us for more information.

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Teen Dating Violence

Posted by Sue Scheff on July 02, 2015  /   Posted in Parenting Teens, Struggling Teen Help, Teen Help

teen-dating-tipsTeen relationships can be difficult and sometimes very emotional.  Let’s face, even adults have a hard time getting through a grownup relationships with years of maturity under their belt.

Helping our teenager understand that building bonds with a special friend is about respecting each other and caring for them and their feelings.

Parents, teens, educators need to take the time to learn more about teen dating abuse.

Sexual abuse refers to any action that pressures or coerces someone to do something sexually they don’t want to do.

It can also refer to behavior that impacts a person’s ability to control their sexual activity or the circumstances in which sexual activity occurs, including oral sex, rape or restricting access to birth control and condoms.

Some examples of sexual assault and abuse are:

  • Unwanted kissing or touching.
  • Unwanted rough or violent sexual activity.
  • Rape or attempted rape.
  • Refusing to use condoms or restricting someone’s access to birth control.
  • Keeping someone from protecting themselves from sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
  • Sexual contact with someone who is very drunk, drugged, unconscious or otherwise unable to give a clear and informed “yes” or “no.”
  • Threatening or pressuring someone into unwanted sexual activity.

Keep in Mind

  • Everyone has the right to decide what they do or don’t want to do sexually. Not all sexual assaults are violent “attacks.”
  • Most victims of sexual assault know the assailant.
  • Both men and women can be victims of sexual abuse.
  • Both men and women can be perpetrators of sexual abuse.
  • Sexual abuse can occur in same-sex and opposite-sex relationships.
  • Sexual abuse can occur between two people who have been sexual with each other before, including people who are married or dating.

TeenLoveWhat to Do

If you have been sexually assaulted, first get to a safe place away from the attacker. You may be scared, angry and confused, but remember the abuse was in no way your fault. You have options. You can:

  • Contact Someone You Trust. Many people feel fear, guilt, anger, shame and/or shock after they have been sexually assaulted. Having someone there to support you as you deal with these emotions can make a big difference. It may be helpful to speak with a counselor, someone at a sexual assault hotline or a support group. Get more tips for building a support system.
  • Report What Happened to the Police. If you do decide to report what happened, you will have a stronger case if you do not alter or destroy any evidence. This means don’t shower, wash your hair or body, comb your hair or change your clothes, even if that is hard to do. If you are nervous about going to the police station, it may help to bring a friend with you. There may also be sexual assault advocates in your area who can assist you and answer your questions.
  • Go to an Emergency Room or Health Clinic. It is very important for you to seek health care as soon as you can after being assaulted. You will be treated for any injuries and offered medications to help prevent pregnancy and STIs.

LoveisRespectSource: Love Is Respect

Loveisrespect’s mission is to engage, educate and empower young people to prevent and end abusive relationships.

If you suspect your teen is in an abusive relationship, seek help immediately.   If they refuse to get help or you find it isn’t benefiting them, contact us to determine if residential therapy would be an option.   Exhausting your local resources is always your first path.

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P.U.R.E. does not provide legal advice and does not have an attorney on staff.
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